Stuck in a toxic wasteland.

Hi Folks, Sorry for the absence. I want to say that my life of sadness, pain, frustration, and inability to survive has caused my absence and stranded me in a toxic wasteland, but then that would be passing the buck and not standing up to my own stupidity, laziness, and lack of self control. Some of you know and some of you don't know that I have been trying to beat this every trying issue of obesity, which can be a very difficult struggle. Yes, I had been trying hard, but just fell off the wagon. My DH is so encouraging and supportive of my vegan lifestyle and healthy eating. He always tries in a very loving way to help me keep exercising and stay on track. He was so excited for me to take this new class at the college, which I did. Only one week left. I met some really good friends. One of my friends, Jasmine, has struggled with the same issue and has done a fantastic job of making it. Check out her blog if you need to see a real hero! She is such an uplifting person and always encouraging me to keep on going, just one day at a time. Her smile is so contagious. Needless to say, maybe if I am accountable to the world one of two things are going to happen. One, I will succeed, be proud of myself, be a healthier wife, mother, and daughter of God or two I will make a complete fool of myself, embarrass myself, and feel totally useless in life. Ok, put your mind at ease, because number one is my goal.

Lately my dinners have consisted of PB&J toast, chips, and ore's. Yes, they are vegan. Not at all in anyway shape or form healthy, but edible. Or good old fried tofu, fried vegan egg rolls, and rice, thus the toxic wasteland! I have cried all I want to cry, done beating myself up, and poor DH is really tired of my complaining and watching me self destruct. I want to be a good example to him too and don't want to fail at that. I am grateful for the 82lbs I have lost, but that feels like only the tip of the iceberg. I still have between 85 and 95 to go. So now that I have spilled my guts to the world let me leave you with a picture of my morning green smoothie. This is 2 cups raw spinach, 1/2 a frozen banana, fresh blackberries, and a bit of stevia blended all together in my magic bullet. Note to self, when using blackberries you will need to strain your smoothie or you will drink what feels like little rocks. lol... I hope I can really post my daily meals and be accountable to myself and not make a complete fool of myself.

I really want to succeed! Thanks Yogi for your love and putting up with my bad times. BJ and M I appreciate all your support too. Thanks for letting me spill my guts to you and know that I love each and everyone of you for your support and visiting me on my blog.